Saturday, July 27, 2019

Felix Comes Home

Yesterday was a hard one for me. A good friend, Bella, who is the wife of the young man, Matthew, who lived with us for a few years, took me to pick up Felix's ashes. It was about a 45 minute drive to get there but we found it thanks to her GPS on her cel phone.

They gave me Felix's wedding ring and a lock of his hair as I had requested. They also gave me a big tote bag with their logo on it to carry his ashes in a plain black plastic box that sort of looks like leatherette. It was very heavy! It weighs more than a gallon of milk.

Now I am wearing a gold chain necklace with his ring on it around my neck. It's nice to reach down and touch it. This was a sterling silver simple band that I had made for him when I took silver smithing classes in college, so it's very special.

Later, I took myself to my town hall and paid our property taxes, so now we are current with the town. While I was there, I had them make 6 official copies of his death certificate for $65. I hope that will be enough to cover all the bases. They charge extra if you get them one at a time so this was best.

When I got home, I read and re-read the death certificate and looked at the container of his ashes. I shed a few tears and then felt better. It is all so strange.

It was a very warm sunny day in the mid 80's but with low humidity so not too bad. The police just stopped in to check on my well-being and were glad to know that I'm fine. I've been added to their list of daily check-ins so I need to call them everyday to let them know that I'm fine.

Now that I have his death certificate, I'm planning on going in to the Concord Social Security office early next week to do the official informing them of his death. As I  understand it, they will cut one of our checks of income and I get to pick whichever is the larger one, which would be his. I hope that I can go early in the morning because it's  supposed to be in the 90's and humid.

Thank you for listening to all my tales of trying to function as a widow.

Stay cool and happy quilting!

Thursday, July 25, 2019

My Progress as a Widow

It has now been a week since my beloved Felix passed away so suddenly from a cardiac arrest. The first 24 hours were the very hardest because I was so  keyed up that I could not sleep at all. I just wandered aimlessly through the house. Now I am able to sleep a good sound 6 to 7 hours through the night. I wake and realize that he is gone and feel bereft.

People have been wonderful to me, calling, stopping by, and emailing me to send their heart warming condolences. Both of Felix's doctors, his GP and his cardiologist, have made a personal phone call to me to say how much they both enjoyed Felix as a patient and to express their sympathy. I was so grateful to them both.

Life goes on and I've been doing the needful; paying the regular  bills, collecting the mail from the mailbox, and going to the dump to take our trash. But it all seems so insignificant.

On Wednesday, yesterday, I went to breakfast with the gals at the Alton Senior Center at my quilting club. One of the gals, Sue, was wonderful by showing me all the necessary steps to balance the checkbook. That was a task that he did faithfully every month as soon as the bank statement came in to us. Afterwards, I went over to the bank and verified the results with their assistant manager who has volunteered to help me again next month.

There was a small error at the hospital the night that Felix died. The attending physician forgot to sign his death certificate. This resulted in a delay of Felix's cremation after he had donated his corneas. Now that mistake has been corrected and cremation can be scheduled. After his final remains are cremated, I will pick up his ashes in Boscawen and bring them home to sit on the mantle.

My wonderful friend and neighbor, Ilse, shared with me the name of the lady who cuts her grass for her. I contacted her and yesterday she did my lawn, front and back and it looks great. She loves to mow and I was so grateful for her help. She only charged me $30 and we have a big lawn so it is a real bargain and a blessing.

As I end this post of my progress, I am going to include a great couple of pictures of Felix. I have them propped up on a big pile of my stash of quilting fabrics in the living room, directly in front of my easy chair. I look at them and talk to Felix and pray for him to be at peace with God.

Thank you for listening.

Friday, July 19, 2019

How He Passed

It is with a broken heart that I must tell you that my partner, Felix, passed away very suddenly last night of a cardiac arrest.

We had finished marketing in Concord at the market basket and he helped me bring in and put away all the groceries. We shared a big cold drink of half cranberry juice and half flavored seltzer water. He took a nap and woke refreshed. He was cutting up celery for an imitation crab meat salad and called to me to come and watch Jeopardy with him. I went into the living room and he was talking about the salad he was making and then stopped mid-sentence and said, "Oh, oh." I asked him what he meant and he slumped back into his easy chair and did not answer me, still holding the knife he had been using.

When he did not respond to me I immediately called 911 and an officer responded right away and did CRP. The ambulance crew arrived right after that and continued the CPR with several unsuccessful shocks of the defibrillator and a shot of adrenaline. They took him to Lakes Region General where soon after he was pronounced dead.

Felix did not suffer and he never regained consciousness.

    I told the hospital that I wanted them to allow his body to be used for donations and they contacted the New England Donor service and I talked to them on the phone there at the hospital. Later, at 11:30pm when I was back home, they called me as they had promised to do and conducted a very thorough interview of his health issues. They will be able to use much skin and bone tissue harvests and will be able to use his corneas. I am very grateful that he will be able to help others as his final act.

    This is all so sudden that I'm not really letting it sink into reality. I'm just glad that he died doing what he loved and did not have pain or suffering. It was about 7:45pm when he keeled over.

    I love you all. Please say a small prayer for Felix. Thank you,



July 17th was a  life-changing night for me. My beloved Felix suffered a massive cardiac arrest and was gone right in front of me. His passing has left me bereft. The house is so empty and my life seems like a wasteland without him.

I have not done any sewing. I went for over 24 hours without sleeping, just wandering around the house looking at TV but not really watching it.

Here are some pictures of sewing that was going on before he passed.

These were from Sue at the Alton Senior Center.
Meb's beautiful hand quilting.

It will take me more time and healing to be able to write about my life now. Thank you for your patience with me.

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